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WILK News Radio>Audio & Video on Demand>>The Laurie & Lynn Show

The Laurie & Lynn Show

Dec 14, 2013|

Saturday December 14, 2013

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Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

The following is a paid program the views or claims may you're not necessarily those of WI OK staff management or sponsors and it's time for Larry and -- -- don't your weekend. -- -- -- Until -- lie okay. -- Good morning good morning. How are you I'm fine how are you I'm wonderful say much. My name is Linda Evans I'm president and CEO of northeastern financial consultants we are fee only financial planning firm. In clarks summit and I'm -- can be honored glory can enterprises which is a fundraising appearance special event business. And so last night. Com our guest coming up classroom parent. And I and several other several other women I had to be wonderful experience of painting a Christmas tree at spirited art with one of our -- -- managers -- members vendors. That's true until members Catherine's woven and we had a great time -- fashion model as we said before and Dixon city. And there are about twelve to fifteen of us and we painted Christmas tree. And when I tell you that she always says if you if you can't even if he can't even if you can't drive a stick figure you can do this. She takes you step by step to do this and it is unbelievable the outcome. Everybody's was beautiful. And the people tell you there is just no they don't have like Barbara said earlier when we were talking earlier that. She has no artistic ability which she really does because entry was beautiful but the point is that he brings it out. Campaign which rocky mountain you know I was never so quiet in my life because I was sitting there concentrating. Oh -- the idea that where we do also opposed to make something that eventually was going to be hung somewhere collectively people that's what the art that's what it is you do it on canvas piece of and there's a canvas yes and you. It's like -- G clay hit and then you take it with -- and that's a lesson there is part of some no no you take it with you how can switch in -- was always had a blast and everybody did the same trees so Catherine instructs and shows you. How to deal wit and you do it yourself and it's all free hand. It is yeah this house and I asked the color in the line -- -- I'll look -- We always like I don't know well I don't do well you know what people think tank that you know I'm looking forward this is saying I. Don't color well in the line we -- all I take as -- Miss you last time well you know Iowa's and they're so we have to do a shout out in that regard. That yesterday. And remember we are recording this on -- Thursday afternoon. So yesterday December 11 was my age 1420 anniversary. So my husband and I decided we would go to crystal lake hotel. For a dinner and we had an absolutely wonderful time. And we said inside in the front in the hotel with -- -- -- fireplace. And it was really lovely food is great. Although when they're around sang and I am I was on and I knew you're thinking that was was a Christmas music in the background their race yea yes I was very good name. So I had to choose between being there at. Stared at large and celebrating my fourteenth and my husband. Can -- a sudden Ali you know the thing is. We all know that he doesn't often remember his anniversaries but this year for some reason -- he did came dad gang that's very. Normally there would be nothing else -- and -- anywhere anyway. I mean we'll do this again I hope if you win I want to collapse I Angel I was accustomed -- say that because I went down you don't even have -- mean it IBC don't have. To do with the group -- it was a lot of fun with a group because she was seeing everyone else is progress yes but you can go up a loan you acknowledge the friend you can go anywhere so we will do it because it takes huge tool. I love to painter or anything like that artistically because it really does take you to a sense of peace there's com. Andy -- focused and there's a great feeling weapon so she's doing a wonderful job I think that's -- -- -- a spirited art via. Well that was -- other reasons why I so enjoyed. Quilting. Because I had to me you quilt I said yes I do because it was one of those things -- I could do. Whenever nine it was during the week they would go there and the 610 women sitting around the -- in different -- And we all would work on a certain piece of it and when we go to a certain parts. We roll -- up again got closer and closer and then we had finished quilt and it was absolutely. Beautiful. It's aliases that it was as nobody I listen to them talk about their husbands yes kids there in lies. I had meant nothing to say. I just sat there and let my mind to go because. Just did doing the women -- -- at the monotonous way and yes pitching and I know it -- lately also relax I agree with section it's just like men hanging out smoking cigars it's women doing quilting whether any man whenever any men there. Now a country. I am because you know and the good thing you should go home with a quilt -- you you have a finished product you don't go home smelling like gusting -- -- -- right yeah. And then sell goods don't. Well I so the night before so congratulations again to you and Patrick funnier in fourteen years of wedded bliss. And the night before. I went to posh. And none too because Josh and -- celebrating their fifteenth. Anniversary. And so few of us and Auburn had a nice champagne toast and spent some time there and it. That place is so beautiful they have just done a beautiful job. They have both of the buildings there but there's something about walking into -- just hang in that it was so busy people are coming -- going. And the restaurant itself was great it was just. Just beautiful sweet look I'm really good times and congratulations to -- -- us well for everything they've done every how far they've come. Both together and in this town. And my understanding and just seeing some posts on FaceBook there were celebrating their 15:15. PM anniversary. Some say an extra year and a half half and can. And so it's always penny to -- how people near Dallas love the stories of how. If how you -- here from her husband you know significant other partner whatever I love to know the stories behind that. Still this is busy otherwise crazy we had the menu on Monday night at the Scranton cultural. -- which kind of friend Kathy records showed everyone how to do truffles like she not a -- asset -- he and then Joseph Kapono. Was -- Monday night was showed how to do this they showed everyone how to make this wonderful. Egg plant. Fresh mozzarella we get Tony and tomato sauce mixture that he aches and it's sort of suggests really come. A weird kind of resigning he said it almost did and all that we're in the -- for the sauce -- -- -- this rescue from a woman in in -- because he just got back from surrender south. And he put olive oil quite a good amount in the bottom. 316. Ounce he he said he buys bottled from Price Chopper but couldn't get themselves sixteen ounce cans of he he said he used to -- todos son has he says. -- a man -- -- RA he cities never used pure pure in his life but that's what this woman did that's what she did so he did it. And basal salt and pepper and that was it makes it not let it cook and then use that's sauce along with feet. -- the egg plant that he saw attaining canola oil salt and pepper. And then based on a fresh phase a limit the size and makes it all cut fresh mozzarella. And cook that -- to Tony and -- and they haven't and everybody out of course sample of everyone got a truffle and everyone was happy. Combat is delicious -- very easy to make so anyone can make itself. And then we you know later find out that chose dad is 92 years passed away so tonight -- today's. -- -- and tomorrow was his funeral so. We are thinking of chef Joseph Kapono who owns a -- but does -- on the greatest of around and he's catering by Joseph but he just a lot of cruise ship shows and he brings all these things back and he stood. Wonderful -- something. That was my week so far -- So. Your son is home now. -- Was it can -- he is coming home tomorrow Friday. For a few days and then he's got to go back to take one more final and then he comes back from month. Com he wanted to study at home opposed to staying in Philly so is he going to I'm doing -- term type thing I heard he's a soft for the month he's up for the mafia he's not doing anything else. Sent Tommy will be hum on the Tony first. -- For two weeks -- -- HD -- whose home. Flies into new York and he's gonna stay in New York with a friend of his and then come home two days later. Well mr. Tyler Robertson Napoli will be paying us this is tomorrow. And he will be here for the weekend so -- -- now so long can. No I won't be he says he's not sure about Christmas because we will be. Chestnut Hill -- you know so. That if for their and one of those days when he is available to do that he might take -- train. From New York to shelling my -- great dairy dairy easy to do. And that would be nice to have him around for Christmas tree so. That story there I have a story tonight -- Sorry it's so. That's to our story. -- Katrina. -- like yeah -- -- -- is a woman in her late fifties who is still wondering when she will get around to planning for her retirement. She owns a very successful clothing business and has someone in mind to buy her business when the time's right. Whenever that company. She has groomed this woman for over ten years and although they speak about it no action has ever taken. To put it into writing and get moving on it. In action is never without a hidden agenda. Katrina finally realized this when her protege. Was nearly lured away by a big box store to run the local outlets. Country is fears were never realized because her heir apparent decided the gross sales requirements for a bit ambitious for this area. And she was not willing to have her income determined by that standard. She enjoyed a great salary plus bonus -- Katrina story and was comfortable with her family and friends in this area. It was a wake up call for Katrina to finally take some action. She contacted the business broker outside her area and asks him to give her value for her business. She decided to let her protege now of this decision to come up with a price. Katrina was both excited and scared to make this move because it was her whole life for the last twenty years. After her divorce from her husband. Says store became her proof that she was indeed able to make a living for herself. And justify her decision to leave him. There was a lot riding on her identity as the owner of this store. As she thought about it her greatest concern was kind of -- us so it would not the owners who her successor. But adequate enough to allow her to maintain a lifestyle. And more importantly what would she do with her days now that she didn't have to go to the store. This last fact it got her really excited there were so many things she want to do with their life like owning the store and having to deal there. For her customers on holidays and weekends was keeping her from enjoying some of the things she loved spending time with her friends who had weekends off. Visiting her family in other parts of the country when they were afraid. And pursuing other interests she could not -- in her schedule because so many of them occurred in the evenings. When the store was at its busiest. She came to see me after she got the value from the business broker. Much more than she anticipated and she did not know how to structure the deal or how long she would be needed to make the transition work. We worked at all as a team and she began to look at taking two days off for week allowing her successor to run the business without her. But with a phone call away. It's worked out pretty well so far and the terms of the sale are all that is left to work out the end. Fearing nice. I do you know I couldn't help when you were saying Katrina was gonna say. Katrina and the Waves you know walking on sunshine yeah yeah so let's saying it could -- because where are we walking on sunshine today. We -- -- -- -- sunshine yesterday our it was a good month. -- and take a quick break. Tony has a couple more than anything else fast descent now announcing that's fast coming fast enough and fast and I'll have. Yes -- -- -- see the sound of music last week I did which is a lot of I didn't think the acting was great I thought the music buzz and I just -- mean they think the acting was a little force to make clear that sorry that I didn't like to -- like because I love the sound of music analyzed -- any music but I just. Thought it was a little well they'll work done over acted or something -- in the days. I we're gonna take a fast break you're listening this morning -- -- and -- Here is -- inland. Good morning. Good morning how are you great. You're listening to the -- hiring him and show marry captain and the -- Larry can enterprises which is a fundraising appearance special event SS. And I am Linda Evans and the president and CEO of northeastern financial consultants. For a fee only financial planning firm clarks summit. And we do have to say something about the fact that. To -- last week Mary Barack 51 years old home became. The president and CEO of general -- And he ever that a woman has started major car company -- its. Just about any time here's another little subset of that and I don't think too many people realize. And I want to thank. Liz Graham for bringing this to our attention from circle 200. You know Larry -- thousand yen yes Z Sunday and again and CM store. -- was the first woman. That GM gain a franchise are you kidding now. In the hope in the hole and a world now in the country I think in this country I thought it was the first. So now yea and today Tony thing Auburn didn't winner for American cars are beyond just here. When I mean made here in staff and -- -- -- on American cars and so I made earlier everywhere like they still have that's what citizen in the country are. -- -- -- -- -- right now franchises in this country so. As CEO she's and she's like oh my god that's fabulous wealth say yes and she is and they're pretty cool lady. I love and I think it's great. We just about that and now about last yesterday -- and she's been that the General Motors since whose -- ourselves time luckily I don't. Nineteen years old in 1980. That he was in angry she's that's right Nancy because. -- here she's yeah 1980. -- But the thing that's so -- about it is that this was a woman who was involved her car business that long ago always he had no interest senate. She joined General Motors in 1980 bank. Come as a general as General Motors institute also known as the Kettering University. Co -- student Kettering -- was founded in 1919 as an automotive trade school. But has since focused on science technology engineering and math stem. Yeah I don't program requires applicants to find a GM unit to be their sponsor. So for Mary -- that was funny at -- -- that's where she started. As she keeps an Albert Einstein Bobble head understand -- the I love that true -- most -- Chevrolet Camaro but decided against. Us. Seeing as she just joined Twitter in April she used to work in the HR department. Her main objective. No more crappy cars and I love that I think that's well put. Her father worked a Pontiac her first car was a show -- You -- us some cool things that matter it's -- congratulations to her end and also to Lori Guyton who I was with last week. Come and -- says business is going very well and I feel lack of buicks around yeah. A lot of media lately yes she said that whole advertising campaign they're doing -- really were again very well good for her. So yeah she's -- a sponsor now -- in the past so now Zahn now which is a good thing. Yeah sell them. So the -- we have to start saying -- right because we saint -- now and it's not ball right and not you know tennis. Like -- the undeniable it's meant the end. Moon that's Glen Day. I try never to do that but the more I thought about that. I thought I I think I'm saying this. Accordingly kids -- better get it right it. Well we should probably say what does it stands for national association. Of women business owner rights so it's non -- -- ranks. Okay. Ice is something that we think we want talk about. I don't I think I discussed how last -- I'm not going -- again but this 16 popular tax breaks that could disappear in 2014. And most. You both had taken for granted that there are still there. And actually they probably could be because the way this thing works is. As usual when we deal with -- our congress and they have to approve these things. In order for them to continue because a lot of times when the legislation's originally written. It has a drop dead date -- and then -- course complain and say oh really like that we want that back. Until then the very last minute they extend it. Well what -- these are those that might be extended but we don't know and then they could make a difference for a lot of people. The first one is. Mortgage debt forgiveness and that's not. And the deduction we all take for our mortgage interest that may go away at some point in time but what this is about. Is that the last couple years. If your bank. Said TU. Are you have a 100000 dollar mortgage on your house and you can't afford many more but you could probably afforded if we refinanced at. Maybe you could afford to 60000 dollar mortgage that's 40000 dollars was technically considered to be incumbent feeling had a reported. -- your tax returns even though you don't have it. But it was a gift from the they ask you a -- well that at that has been. Dispensed with the now. Federal government has looked the other way and said no that is not taxable income to you any more would just pretend it didn't happen. So the mortgage forgiveness debt relief act of 2007. Which created that provision has been extended before. But now with home prices recovering somewhat the incentive to preserve this provision is starting to fade. That makes them more likely that the mortgage debt forgiveness provision might not get renewed for 2014. So if you're thinking of doing this folks please do it next year. Itemized deduction for sales tax. It used to be that in certain states. Who denied to collect income tax that you have choice and if you paid sales tax on anything in the state you can deduct that. But now what they're saying is. It was supposed to expire again at the end of 2007. The fact that you had the choice. It has been repeatedly extended by congress over the years. It has provided sixteen point four billion. In deductions so affected taxpayers that may be one that goes away. So if you have sales tax and you're buying big ticket items thinking you conducted. May not be there. Deductions for teachers expenses I always thought that this was the most absurd thing I ever heard of because this is so inadequate. But teachers from kindergarten high school are allowed to deduct. Up to 250 dollars for money they spend buying supplies for their classrooms. The deductions available even to those who don't itemize making it more valuable than most deductions. However. 250 dollars is a drop in the body outside help for what teachers and actually. C band and how many of them do even do that they don't you know I think I don't know they know they don't itemize most impressed right that's. So and say Atlantic golf and they let it go and do that there missing 250 dollars of tax deductions you can get without proof of anything. The deduction has been extended regularly ever since its initially scheduled expiration 2005. So even though it's on the chopping block again. It's a pretty good that the lawmakers alleged tax breaks survive in 2014. And I think and operate the Israelis should do. And and I can't tell you how many times I hear my sister and Marmara and from my down Foley -- -- School teacher in this grand school district sheet and she's constantly buying stuff yeah and good and happy to do and yes you never hear a complaint she just does it and I think. While do all of these teachers today absolutely yeah. I'm in my niece this their first day where it happened when we were in school -- though and I remember it is tough but now most of she's got butter rug. For them to go and sit down on when she does. The M they're reading their book Rihanna things she dies some snacks she dies in things that they come from very poor homes. So a lot of these things are really special to these yes but she must suspend easily. Close to seven or 800 dollars just just just opened the class regular exam grade and then she's never see that back now because isn't it does anything else in the duct. So. OK -- the other thing is. Equalizing. Pretax benefits for public transportation expenses. And -- probably not relevant to too many of us around here but for people who commute. They used to get a certain amount of money that they weren't allowed to deduct. And just resumptions that they would for parking for. Commuter tax hacking attacks parking. Commuter v.s like trains and buses and stuff like that. Well they want -- -- -- a last minute panel at the beginning of this year to extend -- the benefit retro actively to 2012. Transit riders are once again facing the expiration of that provision. In June 3 lawmakers introduced -- commuter parity act. To make the provision permanent but the bipartisan proposal is stuck in limbo in the house Ways and Means Committee. Higher education tuition deductions. That one. We don't know what's going on there but -- the provisions allow certain taxpayers it's ducked between. 2004000. Qualified educational costs this provision. It was also retro actively reinstated for 2012. At the beginning of this year at the difference though. Is that other tax breaks also exists for educational expenses. Including a lifetime learning credit and the American opportunity credit. You have to pick either the tuition and fees deduction or one of the two education credits. You're not allowed to double death. Those tax credits make it less crucial to extend the tuition deduction although it's still better deal for many people. The tax institute H&R block said the two million taxpayers. Use -- -- right -- four point 36 billion. In expenses in 2010. And the energy efficiency credits you know those -- the things they used to giving credits if he does say things I. Well that's going to -- probably. Will be gone by 2014. So. She should just some things he needed now so if you're counting on them being their forever. Don't. Well thought that's good to announce an ounce of my Italian too was in the paper today and twice that depict the photo of the timeline timers who are chairing the -- Christmas holiday bureau for the voluntary action center. They are cheering and there was a little strip of -- down the strip in the Scranton times on the one side about where you can if you wanna make. Any type of donation to the Christmas holiday bureau they have are wrapping up on interviews. -- that tomorrow they did all of last week in this week and they give gift cards from Wal-Mart but depending on how many children are in the house to help. With their holiday expenses and I was there yesterday interviewing and I wanna tell you that. I'm my way down here I heard that song -- Christmas Christmas -- song bad news and I'm sitting there. I'm in the car crying down obviously down parents thinking of these families back -- men who who have to pull it together to get in their interview. And hopefully get some Qaeda Christmas because it's so important for these and you cannot get it without children and proved that you have these children. So if anybody's out there and is looking for H. Worthwhile and very kind. Near and dear to my heart charity it is the Christmas holiday bureau through the voluntary action center the numbers 347. 56163475616. Or look it up on. The web or that phone -- the voluntary action center in Scranton Pennsylvania and tell anyone help with peak holiday Christmas Christmas holiday bureau it's a worthwhile cause and you'll feel so good about it because these. I see the families when it is unbelievable. To need. In this day and age it is so so. Important if you can do it and just I was speaking last week about a coats yup for kids yup and when does that -- I know when I'm not sure when it is but I don't think anybody's even Burlington -- -- and -- and Burlington coat effected these take code you get a percentage off a new one and I'll give it to death. The needy that's an idea so just think about other people if he can in need us for things before especially kids for Christmas it's so important. So anyway we're gonna take a real quick break we'll be right back with our expert miss out -- should say attorney Barbara jail -- we'll be right back. Here is lowering inland. OK so good morning everybody. It's we're back here with our. And guest expert. Who is an attorney Barbara Tim Harris. Who is with Paul Harris I know I was -- and and Nichols. Yeah its use you know. -- never get there right. It's it's just I'm pretty later and I appreciate unlikely to meet her first but I don't think boy you would like -- and its its -- -- our hair we're located in done more. And 1421 niece -- street done more. And to you've been in practice for thirty some years strained since 81 yeah yes. And that used to dynamite 33 and 33 year as a last this past Monday full. And cancellations. And meet the right now. My practices. Almost primarily domestic relations we choose divorce -- support. And this a tough time a year but -- that actually a lot of people plan. To get through the holidays and in store some thinking January snow. I knew you have and we're talking. About an article did you read. And a I'd do I'd be willing to address -- yeah I sense if you wanna hear some dirt and the things that. It it's it's a great. Title of the article because it is very true fourteen things no one tells you about divorce. An and we're probably guilty of that as well -- when we have conversations about divorce we talk about the mechanics offense and that's. The end of the things the have to do well that's suffered. I think twice article looks more and they eat the edge of the songs and I know her belly and divorce I think my -- no way to put it. And it says we're getting a divorce or just some things that no man's self help books can prepare you for. Like how jolting it is to walk in your house after your acts has moved out or that is this real life feeling. Then inevitably comes when signing the divorce papers. Below Huff post divorce. Readers sheriff fourteen things they wish they'd known about divorce before going through it. So it and we -- how read some of the things that they send an aunt Barbara if any these you'd like to come and I am pleased though. The sadness of a broken family will always linger inside do you ever so slightly even after you've moved on -- -- That's true because most people. Obviously would want the end of the marriage to remain intact if it was good. Yeah but it quite honestly I talked to many people that. There and a real sad place now -- so it's either. Break up or things have to get better -- and that point it's really good ideas to seek marriage counseling to see whether or not to count. The counselor thinks the two. Or you get out and advanced font yeah and the divorce itself would be. I am frequently difficult to get through but you're happier on the other side. Yeah. Yeah I think input ends the chapter in my book that I did none. Come on divorce. And it was amazing to me the statistics of how many women who having gone through divorce came out the other side. Really with their lives is so much better because they didn't. And it it's not -- and people always think I hit I think the myths about divorce is. That -- it leaves both parties. But -- the feeling lonely and sad and then they never get married again but the incidence of this. Post divorce number one of women getting remarried and being happy was significantly greater than half. So I you know it's one of those things that I think people have to look at now like. It's the end of the world listen it's like you censor realistic approach. Too bad situation. Number two's closing up is not as awful as you think you might be in fact he did better off in the long run we just the -- with. We did an I'm not fit I'm not encouraging people to split around us but I think you have to make a realistic assessment of what's the relationship like and and also what's the impact on you can't -- if they're seeing you fight all the time. The way did they're seeing a very dysfunctional family. Is that the model then you're gonna have for your children both male and female student. Yeah so you have to look at things like that -- And what does it feel feel emotionally devastated even if you -- the one who filed. I don't know if that's necessarily true well. I think he once again your dealing with. That's when the realization comes in that it's the end of the mythical. Happy family can and once somebody files it is a sobering experience even if you're the filing party -- there's a sadness because the death of the marriage. And a lot of cases I think that's the case I think the good thing is that it's its grief its grief over something that you. Had great expectations for when you walked on the island whenever and define that. It's down and destroyed his it's it's a loss. Is a loss but I mean in a lot of cases. They didn't living highly discount. Tell -- -- relationship for real longtime camp and when you ask people well you know when's the last time we ever did eighteen together. There's no start talking in terms of years yeah so it it's it's not is so did the relationship is newly -- It's functional. And a lot of cases it's been dysfunctional for a long time now and this is is really somebody. Deciding to do something about it moving on from him. Okay he needs to stay true to yourself. Fight for whatever you believe then and always hold your head high regardless of what happens in the divorce proceedings. I think yes that's -- you -- realize how hard divorces on your children even if they're teenagers when it happens it's still painful. It is because your kids once an intact family I guess now the worst I've never seen would be in the cases. Infidelity because the older your children aren't the more they look into infidelity by one parent as it. As the that that -- That parent being unfaithful to the family and not necessarily just their spouse but the they've cheated on my whole family cap and it. That's a real I think I've had suicide attempts and some -- divorces and it was of adult children -- And put I find with adult children you know they're dealing. With this situation some kids a look at their mom and say chill after years ago and yes its OK and other people will look and say. This they're very big big kids -- very upset the dads cheating on mom her -- cheated on dad. -- the issue trial and feel guilty about it. They don't give your spouse everything. In an attempt to make amends at Catholic guilt eventually goes away and you're entitled to half. Well actually Pennsylvania lies your -- do what spirit in your circumstance or what's called equitable distribution. And that might be Hannah Kim might be 5545. MIP 64 and be sure any percent the percentage in between. Now what happens in a lot of cases some. And I find this gender wise I'm -- it more than women will come in and say. I wanna leave them that's okay I'm not gonna. Touch the pension I'm not gonna touch this a night and they give up sinks number one without knowing how much they're giving up. Ranked number two without having anything in kind. Okay he's been working making 100000 dollars and he is a penchant for the last fifteen years. And to buy her freedom she tells you I'm just gonna give up. Yeah and I. To be honest with you that's being very unfair to her. And her future and probably didn't minor children that you need to support yes so if you look at done and say. OK fine you may either have no pension were very small pension. And you know he's if he's walking away with a couple 100000 dollar pension and said TU imparting into -- attention touch my pension. Then I usually take the hit and say it's my -- And I. That's good. That's good because now I think you're absolutely right I am truly happy I guess as -- you had to get even a person have to be the bad guy and in -- -- going to be demand IKEA and that's okay but the dad's just. And that's a -- that's my job. And -- when a woman tells me I'm willing to give this up I will ask her if you know how much did this. And almost a 100% of the time they'll say no I don't and I said would you give up. What's behind door number one through it and if you got nothing else and they said no I -- UN on the game show would you give them up. Yeah no I don't notice. OK give this up and get nothing. Well let what's behind door number one you don't even know Susan. So at that point then I usually do discovery and say this is what the divorce courts would typically give you. And what they typically do is one of two things with the pension they'll say either. If it's a defined contribution like a 401K. Then you divide that up and she could do a rollover IRA and she has something yeah or if it -- and pension which. An annuity type pension that's as defined benefit. Then when he retires you could have something to which there's nothing wrong with providing for your future. And I am a lot of women -- want to buy their freedom now and a certain amount guild -- thousand. The breakup of the marriage so in order to buy that freedom they're willing to give up on this features security. I don't think he's an irony there I think that's exactly what we're just saying here is that don't. Mortgage your future for -- your guilt today or what professor and the -- show any it to be honest with you. You know I as their attorney will take the blame -- Most good thing you do because sometimes people need to hear what you need to have a strong -- in -- course you do. And that's -- is you'll be surprised to find out how spiteful. Your -- can be. And I think that's exactly what we're talking about that this may -- the access. Is out for blood to. Can you and it -- decent at -- surprised how much. The other spouse thinks all he or she would never ask for -- -- she would never be that nasty. But you get down the point especially here saying if you are the advocate and you know that. -- -- spouse you're representing is entitled to have to start with -- to start with equitable distribution. Then the -- made. It says it may be perceived by the spouse then the other spouse is the one who's being the nasty person. When in fact it just may -- may will be up his sleeve attorney who's the advocate -- well. Nice people and into this some -- -- and really what's fair -- -- But sometimes you have a very strong personality ask of one male or female saying well you know. I don't care what happens but you can't touch a -- CEO of mine who -- well. And to be honest with you those things -- cranky touched yeah and check up and if they -- is gonna be fair and typically that advance the whole. Goal is for you do orgasm kind of fair resolution if you go into this and say well. OK fine we can split of the equity in the house but I'm gonna keep my 300000 dollar pension. And you can't touch it. Well that's an unrealistic expectation yes so it is so where a spouse wants to sum month that future pension. Or a rollover of furious -- -- That's a realistic expectations that's gonna happen. Yeah. I'm just saying he is similar situations and then I've been involved with Hasan with clients. Where that has happened and Tom I am I am amazed I have to say. -- -- the consistency. Of the emotional. Involvement. In their marriages. Carries through Philly this divorce -- and it's amazing how if one person. -- -- in the marriage was a very controlling person. You're gonna have -- -- Astaire did cross hairs of your marriage. Become the problems in the divorce act as violent at times he needed a good strong attorney yes it's gonna help you. And see what's good for you frank Fuller provide for your future and you present support breaded and look at this is it okay fine. You want and I get. Arabian Sea assets that's okay with faith but strong enough the will will finish it today. That's probably not -- it's serving there interest and are certainly is not sound. The other one is. Stuff. Obsessing. Over endless worst case scenarios. That's the that's I think a lot of the reasons why divorce. Doesn't happen. In the first -- a lot of people get they get paralyzed by the fear I ask this could happen and that would be off color this happened. And typically a good attorneys gonna sit down with them sank. Here's a realistic resolution for your divorce. And if you do have a certain realistic expectation. Then you don't like and then at night saying oh this could happen enacted to. Well -- don't want I tell clients I'm gonna tell you when to worry. Another weary of sand that the united wary about this and I'll tell you went to her and too worried in a lot of times people really really really. Worry about things that never. Even when you're not a client she tells you to worry yeah. Okay. Yeah well that's good though this is -- I don't know man I know but I. Usually people worry about things that won't happen yes yeah all the students -- and he started assessing about ask what's the worst case scenario and and you start to cast your pricing. And really that's not good for you. About anything then you can't be clear about what you want the outcome to be right because you're so worried about the other. -- you -- and ask -- -- trial happening so maybe you back off a reasonable position. I'm saying okay fine this is fair well if I get dads and he's gonna do this is -- necessary and you worry about what might happen. And my nine. For another one years so you won't realize how much it hurts to have another woman. In your kids' lives -- mothers them when there with their dad. That's cinema and then a hard thing. Yeah it really would be hard they can but by the same token I've seen a lot of women that they're -- Beers and a woman. That does help out maybe just maybe you know dad was in. Making sure the kids aid -- getting homework done but this other woman in their life will do that. And to be asked if you. This is solid and now all of life is gonna change they're so he -- he remarried she may remarry they may start living with somebody. And better to try to get along with the next significant other is going to be a factor in your kids' lives. And hopefully that's a person that's going to care about your kids. And once you ask your kids instead -- you know I hate her because she's the next. You know forever and the other thing is that's what we should all hope for is that whoever is with. If it's -- You're doing the best job you can -- as a mother no one woman who looks like she sell better if he's someone you think you can get along with -- -- -- Because no one's ever and ever. No matter how we're going to have to say yeah thank you very much to return markets. O'Hara and for being our guest experts this this week Mary Christmas time there is Christmas can now receive. I'll see you soon see you next week. -- holiday into tonight.